my adhan rings from the creases of my palm now,
startles the part of my self baffled by peace
corporate ads intrude across the quran app
/ digital divinity asks for a subscription price
notifications fall from the top of the screen
when i watch the weekly jummah livestream,
anxiety pushes my breathing beyond its limits
when i throw my face into buzzing masses
i speak to you / between a raging sea
and the peaceful quiet of your nearness
i rinsed skin wet something obsessive to get here
embraced whispers of ancestors against my cheeks
intrusive is the shadowy stench of the dunya
washed, spiraled down the drain
as i arrange myself to face You
dhuhr interrupted by the inescapable heartbeat /
an inimitable worry within every breathe
damn near dead from the compulsions,
intrusive is the anvil above me
with its breathtaking weight
(and somehow, each time without fail
You lift that weight with such ease
cast doubt that it was ever even there
hold me tightly clutched at the heel)
stammered breathing, botched heartbeat
melt into the sea of prayer around me,
unmoored by the room’s determination to You:
free cognitive behavioral therapy five times a day.